greetings

Greetings and Salutations,
My name is Ninja E... aka ElizaJane.. but honestly who uses actual names anymore.. i certainly dont. My friend Ashley wrote a tribute to me on her blog.. and it definantly made me shed a tear.. jerk. haha just kidding.. aw you're so gorgeous. honestly i'm pretty sure that everything about you is gorgeous Ashley.. yes even you're amazingly hot body. so shut your face if you say/think otherwise. otherwise i'll remove your kneecaps with a crowbar. deal with it. so in other news this one day.. as in four days after i got home from i was sitting around with my brother and his girlfriend and a couple other people watching brain waste movie "Ham and Cheese" and i had kills on Lindsey's smoke.. i don't even know if i actually wanted it. i think i just did it because i wanted my bro to be proud of me. and.. right after i did it.. my brother side hugged me and said "i'm proud of you"... yes!...?... no. but that's the last drag of a fag i've had. and o let me tell you i've come close.. like smoke in my mouth about to light it.. when i'm like "what the gay?!" and take it out and put it in my friends hand. but honestly. for two seconds of my life i was willing to give Jesus up.. for my brothers approval.. wow. somewhere in Luke it talks about hating your mom your dad your brothers your sisters compared to your love for Jesus and how you must take up your cross and follow him.. am i doing this? honestly i want a heart like Davids.. i'm reading 1 Kings right now.. so i pretty much just finished reading all about David and now i'm reading about these Kings and at the end of every chapter of these Kings... to sum up their life.. it either said they did.. or they didn't have a heart like Davids.. serious.. if someone ever wrote a book about me.. after i'm dead and gone.. i hope the last line of that thing is "and ElizaJane had a heart like her father King David, she followed the Lord all her life"... wouldn't that be amazing? i honestly hope thats the thing people remember about me.. otherwise.. this life.. has been worthless.. seriously.. 'coz then.. i'd just be like one of those people living on every high.. constantly seeking something better... i'd be living without joy.. peace.. hope.. security... and so much more.. i remember my life without God.. and it's not fun. how could there be any life in that?.. so.. am i willing to love Jesus so much that i hate my brother in comparison? seriously.. my brother = my hero.. besides the crap thats happened and the insecant drinking and drug use..and other things that he does.... he's everything (i believe) that God meant an older brother to be. He's my hero.. my best friend.. my protecter (when i need one..).. my shoulder to lean on.. cry on.. gnaw on.. my arms to go to when i need a hug.. my ear that will listen and understand because he's comin from the same place i am mostly.. like serious.. my brother.. he's amazing. and i love him a lot. like.. just thinking about all that stuff about him.. definantly made me cry. (shut up. i can still judo chop you to the throat.) and to think of me.. hating him in comparison to my love for Jesus. holy crap. this is hard to comprehend.