Lessons.

Blah, Regina Retreat is so boring. Ridiculiously boring actually. But it's saving grace is that Jesus showed up at the services lol. Honestly I found myself the second day asking "why in the heck did I come?".. I found two answers,
1) Jesus.
Lets face it, anytime with Jesus is amazing, and lately I've really been learning about basing my faith on truth and not having an emotive faith. I honestly haven't felt those "warm fuzzy" Jesus feelings in a long time. Last time was lying on the floor at boot camp and it was just like I was lying on my Daddys chest being held in His arms, just chillin together. It was such a good night. Sure, He's been revealing stuff to me, but it isn't attached with emotions. All weekend Sherri kept on saying "'I know, therefore I feel.' not 'I feel, therefore I know.'" It's a hard lesson, but I know that God is with me, and that is enough for me.
2) Friends/Christian Fellowship.
So, I have no friends. Well I do... but just no close friends. Noone I can sit with and talk about life with. This weekend, I had the privilege to be billeted with my good friend Kassy Harbottle and the Lifeforce girls (Delia, Angel, Mellisa, Jessica, and Karissa) we had an amazing host, and it was a good time. Also the oppurtunity to just hang out with friends and chat was good, I even got better acquianted with my youth group. I'm learning how to be friends with guys. It's hard for me because the only relationships I've had with guys have been filled with hurt. But just as God has/is fix/ing/ed those relationships He's helping me build new ones with guys. God even restored my one friendship with Katie Kasal-Flagal. It's a hard thing for me to accept and forgive her because she broke my trust and got me in trouble and a whole lot of other things. But I'm learning to forgive her. One night God was talking to me about her and the things involved and how I really needed to forgive her and tell her that I was sorry myself for certain things, and she ends up coming to me crying asking for my forgiveness. God is good.

So, God's weird. I've been learning a third thing that combines my reasons of going to the retreat and works in the things of my life that has been happening over the last little while.. He's building my dependance on Him. Searching my heart, making sure. Over the period of a year and a half, He's been stripping away anyone I've depended on or cared about more than Him or anyone I've wanted to please and anyone I've ever craved attention from. It sucks. It's hard. I hate it to be honest. But, I know I need it. So, I'm learning to depend on Him alone. And, I'm okay with it. Like I said, I'm learning that just having Him with me, is enough. I believe that maybe, after I've learned enough about depending entirely on Him, that He'll place someone in my life.. whether in the form of a friend, acountability partner, or.. heck maybe even future husband.. I believe it will be after I learn this that He'll place them in my life because He doesn't want me to run the risk of placing that person before Him. I've had relationships like that in the past.. and heck even now when they're around I struggle with it. But I know that losing everybody is completely worth this lesson. Psalm 146:3 "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." In truth I'd rather stand alone with Christ, then be surrounded by friends who cannot save me.
Here's a Little Picture I drew.


Ninja E