..Perservering is hard work...... Who knew?
So, last night on msn my friend Amanda was talking to the nazi and the nazis cousin (aka stupid whore face.)And these people are so horrible, all they could say to me was that I was a stupid failure a loser and stupid anarchist punk and they kept on rating whatever I said out of 10.. and it was usually like a one or a two.. and all this stuff. And they kept on saying I was a nobody who would never get out of north battleford and end up like my brother, and work at Mcdonalds all my life. All of these things a year ago, is exactly what I thought about myself. That I was a stupid failure, that I would end up exactly like my brother. But I'm confident that I will be a success through Jesus. And they kept on saying that they were better than me (well the stupid cousin) because she had a car and lived on her own and made 15.50 an hour.. and I was like "well first, you're older than me, plus you're in calgary, and most people i know in alberta make about that wage, and besides, money isn't everything" and she was all stupid and was like "whatever leech, try moving out and saying that" and I asked her how old she was when she moved out of her parents house and she said "17" and I was like "Well I'm only 16." and that kinda shut her up. And so this one time at Youth I shared my testimony and my ex Michael was there and he told the nazi that my brother abused me. And so nazi and stupid whore face start making fun of me because I was abused. And the nazi was like "were you really abused? and did Jesus really save you?" and then the conversation ended. And I cried for a real long time. And against everything in my mind, I felt an urge to pray for these jerks. So I did. hardest thing of my life, even harder than washing this guy's feet (Zac) that I know. And then I just cried more.. read my bible and went to bed, but I've just felt like crap since. I've been so angry and so broken and sad. And I just want a real good hug. But everyone I talk to doesn't get it. And no one is up for this hug thing. damn. I dunno what to do..
posted by ninja_e at 10/18/2005 03:30:00 AM
3 Comments:
Did you know that you are actually a princess? Real, breathing, walking, royalty? Here's the problem though, is that we're Cinderella's in the pre-prince stage. Things are less than perfect here and though some people will see you and I as the beatiful, chosen princesses we are, most will be to us as the ugly-step-sisters. They havn't realized what we hold fast to--that we are royalty and that there is a Prince who is absolutely consumed with us. Unfortunately things can pretty crappy here in the attic. We get other people's bitterness, emptiness, and brokenness flung at us as they try to survive. They see us as aliens and freaks and as such their fear propels them to try to kill the hope they see we have. Somedays can be easier than others, but as followers of Jesus, until we get to heaven we don't get to move to the castle. We do get to go on dates though with the prince. He longs to lavish on us His love. He'll give us enough to make it through the day regardless of what it throws at us. We must make the choice though to go to Him and as the song says, "Blessed be Your Name when the sun's shining down on us...Blessed be Your Name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your Name." Bless His name today Eliza...He loves you with all abandon. I believe in you and love you girl! Hope this blog made sense...:-)
~Ashley
Ashley, i love you, you're pretty muc amazing
Dearest,
I had a very strong reaction to this blog. It just mostly made me really angry. For a lot of reasons. I don't know how to get them all down on computer, but I'm going to try.
First of all, Melissa and her cous have malicious intentions and no other desire in communicating with you other than to make themselves feel bigger by making you smaller (trust me, it doesn't work, but they're messed up, what do they know without Knowledge?) You don't owe them the time of day. I would have terminated the conversation long before you did. Just say no. That's abuse. And you don't have to place yourself in the path of abuse.
Second, is this a Micheal that I know? B/c if it's the Micheal I think it is, I think it's fair to tell Scott that your testimony got out on the street via Micheal and ask Scott to make sure that he tells kids to keep Youth testimonies sacred and safe. NOT gossip! If Micheal is corrected by someone in leadership, he will have a chance to repent and hopefully you will keep him from doing this to other ppl. What he did was the OPPOSITE of cool.
Ok, I've calmed down and I don't want to kill anybody now, just to wring a few necks. You and I both know ppl involved in hurting and betraying are doing it to protect their own skin. My guess is that they have plenty of secrets and plenty of hurt. Hurt ppl hurt others. Don't defend yourself to them and don't hurt them back. Just speak what you know is true (about them and you)and never let them make you ashamed. You don't have to live up to the world's standards. People who think that their job, where they live or who their friends are makes them cool are dumb. And they know it's dumb. Just question it (i.e. To someone like "evil cous", say something like: "So you think how much money you make really defines you? Like, you're better than someone else because you make more money than them? There's gotta to a better way to define yourself than that") and they won't disagree with you.
Finally, Liza, I've never ever in a million trillion years pegged you as the "loser type". You're an adventurer. You're super unique. You're wild. You're creative beyond belief. You're going to be great at everything God gives you to do. You're going to travel and have adventures, you're going to love on ppl, you're going to make a difference in this world. That is just who you are.
Encourage yourself. You are not what other ppl say you are. You are who you are.
(Modelled after the Great I Am.)
You're an amazing human being. Just amazing.
MJ
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