Nov. 1st.
It's November first, and you know what that means.... I WON TWENTY EFFING DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!! I quit smoking. It's been THREE MONTHS. Jesus is sooooo good.
On the other side of news.. Megan and Kim don't talk to me. I've been realising that they weren't the best of friends anyways.. They never phoned (actually Megan calls my house... for Kim.) Never invited me to hang out. We've had arguments about this before.. they say it's because I got close with Delia.. maybe I wouldn't have gotten so close if they would've called or talked to me... like.. I tried hanging out with them and phoning them then aswell.. I got shut down. Plus.. Delia left.. two years ago. Two Ephing Years. I don't even know if it's worth it. I'm considering not even trying anymore. These highschool politics are killing me. Maybe I should just go slit my wrists somewhere. Honestly. I thought I had no friends before. Like, no close friends. No I'm left with nothing here. Except for Kayla. This is stupid. I have so many friends. Yet I have noone at all. I think I forget how to make friends even. Hell.
At least I have Jesus.
...frick..
Ninja E
On the other side of news.. Megan and Kim don't talk to me. I've been realising that they weren't the best of friends anyways.. They never phoned (actually Megan calls my house... for Kim.) Never invited me to hang out. We've had arguments about this before.. they say it's because I got close with Delia.. maybe I wouldn't have gotten so close if they would've called or talked to me... like.. I tried hanging out with them and phoning them then aswell.. I got shut down. Plus.. Delia left.. two years ago. Two Ephing Years. I don't even know if it's worth it. I'm considering not even trying anymore. These highschool politics are killing me. Maybe I should just go slit my wrists somewhere. Honestly. I thought I had no friends before. Like, no close friends. No I'm left with nothing here. Except for Kayla. This is stupid. I have so many friends. Yet I have noone at all. I think I forget how to make friends even. Hell.
At least I have Jesus.
...frick..
Ninja E
posted by ninja_e at 11/01/2005 11:22:00 PM
1 Comments:
Dearest
Remember YLC? That was less than a week ago. Remember what you learned there, what you experienced. Real community. Real friends. People not out for themselves but focused on something more valuable than their own glory.
Eliza, if you were dropped in the middle of, say, another planet and you didn't know the ppl or the customs or the way their world worked, you would not feel very accepted. You would not fit in. Seriously, Lizer, we are aliens on this planet. We just don't fit in with the world. We can try to learn the customs, talk the talk, play the games, go to the parties but we will always know we don't quite fit in. These girls, Liz, they're trying to fit in too and they've almost convinced themselves it's ok to be in the world, but their dull, dry spirit cries out for life inside of them. You, however, are just not very good at lying to yourself. So just don't. If you're feeling left out, well, I'm positive there are a breed of "aliens" (many of whom you hang out with at YLC and Street Invaders) who can relate. I can relate. It's lonely sometimes in an earthly sense. But it's a right of passage for a Jesus-lover to realize that you only have Jesus in the end. You may be totally alone with Him at times in your life. He's the one who reassures me that I'm not crazy, that I belong to Him, and that I'm destined for greater things than those who are just fighting to stay alive, who only care about their own skins. I was made for bigger things. And so were you. It's hard to see through the thick fog of high school "cool" and "normal". It's hard when all you see is that same brand of cool, carnal "happiness" force fed into your head in every second of media-related "entertainment/education" you watch/read/listen to. Just don't buy in Liza. Be set apart. Be the rebel you were born to be. Be real. Know the Word. There will come a time when these friends return to you, begging for comfort, for reasurrance. B/c this world is not home and no one really belongs here and sooner or later, they're going to long for something real. Something Jesus. Stand, resist, perservere until that time comes.
Love you,
MJ
Post a Comment
<< Home