recreancy

recreancy - 1)Unfaithful or disloyal to a belief, duty, or cause.
2)Craven or cowardly.


I guess I'm falling under the number two definition. Partly number one. I have this fear about me. The fear of death. God's been convicting me on it for some time now.. but I just can't seem to shake it. I have this emense dread and feeling of nothing-ness/emptyness when I think about dying. I know people who can't wait until the day they die so they can have a shin-dig with Jesus.. but I fear it. I doubt Heaven. I've had real experiences with God, and I see Him active in my life (mostly) but I still doubt His promise of Heaven. Like I love Jesus.. but... I don't know.. *sigh*..

Ninja E..