Searching for.. truth.. or lies?

I'm not satisfied with what I know, and what I believe... my mind just doesn't stop... I have to find more.. my life is so boring and all these facts are so dead... there must be more... tonight I was driving home.. and I had those same thoughts and feelings about death.. and I just thought.. well.. if there is nothing after life.. it just doesn't matter.. nobody will care.. and I won't be around to complain about it. Then it was like this weird.. calm came over me but now that I think about it... there must be more.. otherwise.. life definantly has no purpose.. whats the point of continuing? So I've decided to go on.. in pursuit of Heaven... I remember being prophesied over... they said I was going to visit Heaven and see angels.. twice that's been said to me actually.. that my decernment would increase and I'd be seeing deep into the spiritual realm.. I've always thought I had to like prove myself in order for that to happen and all this other stuff.. but I really just think it's on Gods timing and I really should stop worrying about it.. like who wants to see demons anyways? My darn discernment already has me scared of the dark... I guess I need to get that straightend out.. I shouldn't be fearful..... guys.. it's been so long since I've heard from my Dad.. it's been so long since I've drawn.. or danced.. heck I haven't read my bible for awhile.. like a couple weeks... It's all seeming to fall apart.. I pray that Jesus starts putting it back together..

Eliza..