Desperate.....

So yesterday I went to church.. the senior pastor Dan was finally back and so the sermon was actually good. lol. He was on a sebatical, and the people who covered for him on Sundays... weren't always the best. At any rate, yesterday his sermon was on a bunch of things that he pieced together (like usual... go pastors with adhd!!!) but the end part of it really made me think. In the large part his sermon was on how we learn and where we get our major revalations about God. Scripture, Everyday life, Direct from Holy Spirit. And for the last part he tells us something he has noticed/thinks, and that is people who get their main knowledge about God from just Scripture and directly, are often not really touching ground and it doesn't show up in their personal life and relationships and they are more of the doctrinal type. Then, there are those who get their knowledge majorly from personal relationships and Directly, and that those people are often very good at gathering people and leading them and getting involved, but often miss the main target and lead slightly off track. And then there was those who had theirs from Scripture and personal relationships, and that these people had potential to be everything, they knew it all, but they lacked intimicy and ended up growing bored and trying to fill their lives with other things because of the lack of direct connection with the Holy Spirit.. and thats who the pharasee's were. And I don't think I explained it the best, but I was sitting in church and I realized that I'm that last one. Honest.. it sucks. And all I want is my Dad.. and to be real tight with Him..


That Night..


I went to a party for my one friends birthday. It was kinda fun.. but so heartbreaking... drunk kids from the ages of 13 - 21.. half of them were high.. people making fools of themself..people just randomly making out with people.. it was a jockstrap party the girl even hired a dj. my friends i went out with got real pissed and ripped and when we were supposed to leave my best bud Kim who was supposed to be driving just finished a joint and still expected to drive.. and i told her that i was driving and she told me to fuck off and she shut the door to the car locked them and started it up.. so i yelled at her through the door that she was a stupid effing bi*** and that she was stupid and that i didn't want her to end up like Meagan Steph Andrea and Garrett. And my friend Brandon finally got the keys away from Kim and he drove (he was sober) the party ended at like 1:30 and we got into town at 2 and then until six am I took care of my two drunk puking friends and my one burnt out friend. And ate greasy Mcdonalds at 5:30 am. that was definantly a wrong move. I had so many thoughts that since I didn't have to drive I could just get real drunk.. but... that just wouldn't have worked. Because I love Jesus and then my friends would have been right about me. And I don't want that.
-Eliza