denied

I don't know why, but tonight.. i feel so down.. i think this is one of those nights where if i stay up too late i'll end up doing something i'll regret. being here is ridiculious.. honest.. the guy i'm supposed to be accountable to.. i haven't talked to since two days after i got home from street invaders. and then everybody i hang out with like.. smokes or drinks.. some do drugs.. and damnit. it's hard. i wish i had a cool christian friend... (preferably of the male gender) to come and partake with me in my activities like school.. friends places... youth..church... parties.. then we could be too cool for school together. and sure there are those other christian kids i know.. but lets face it.. they all suck. haha except for Amanda but she's all hardcore school/work/working out... and has like no time.. and then when she does.. she's not allowed out because she lives with these people who are all hardcore nazi's... (not literally.) and all the boys in my youth.. are immature... and preppy jock emo boys. *sigh*... frick.