.all.men.lose.heart.

So.. Shannon, kinda just.. blew up at me tonight.. She's definantly moving to Calgary with my brother and Lindsey this summer.. and she didn't tell me this very nicely.. and then when she asked for my opinion/feelings on the matter.. she just.. ridiculed them and told me to suck it up because it's life. well.. it's been my life for the past.. what? 7 years? and i'm sick of going through it.. and it was such an ugly repeat of a certain night in a room of fgbc.. and i don't want to deal with this again.. why must i wear my heart on my sleeve? and isn't it just awesome that it's like.. three in one?! and isn't it just awesome.. that the only people i have.. are leaving and i can't go with them? and isn't it just awesome that it had to happen just after i started struggling with things from my past.. and isn't it just awesome that when i look for distraction i open up a random container on this desk to find a single orange exacto knife? just lying there.. crying out for my hands to pick it up and make a mess out of myself? but i don't want to lose heart.


1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

uhm...

Sooo.... there's this boy..
and uhm.. i think i like him..
we went out for coffee tonight after chillin with everyone from youth... and told eachother our testimonies.. it was sweet.. and we just sat in silence for like 20 minutes.. and it was like.. not even awkward at all.. and i dunno.. i really do like him.. and it's so hard to pray about this.. because my own thoughts/wants are definantly blocking out Gods words on the matter.. but I think.. for now.. i'm supposed to keep it to being friends.. and then go from there.. which is going to be hard.. because.. this guy is practically amazing.

*sigh*

anyways..
it would be neat if whoever reads this.. could keep me in your prayers about this.. that i wouldn't get all caught up in this and allow things to go where they aren't supposed to... and that i'd be able to keep focused on what God wants.. because hey.. that's the only thing that matters..

peace out,
Eliza-Jane

...stand.still...

That's where I'm at..
and I'm so lost..
and I'm so disgusted..
and I'm so broken..
and I'm so alone..


but yet I've been captured.

falling clumsily into these grace filled arms..

relaxing against my Fathers chest..

and listening for His heartbeat..


these are the moments I long for.

...hide

That's all I really want to do right now.. just hide..
I'm so stressed out...
my car
school
work
certain people
the past
temptations
tests
etc..

and with all these things they just slowly build up.. today someone stole something from me that was very important and I lost my wallet earlier.. I really just wish I had someone to hold me.. I'm pretty sure thats all I've ever wanted.. just someone to hold me and reassure me that I am beautiful, and that I am loved... because it's so easy to forget in this world..

For now I'm going to go sleep in the arms of my Father.. hide myself in His hands.. and rest upon the fact that He works for the good of those who love Him..

What else is there?