We Hide Behind The Crimson Door..

Well I haven't really posted in awhile so I figure I should give it a go tonight.. well for a start these past few days have been such a blessing.. I really wanted to go to this thing called warped tour.. because basically my top 5 favorite bands would be there.. but it turned out that I worked and the people I originally planned on going with bailed out.. but I ended up talking to this girl I worked with and she was all set to go.. so I talked to some people and I managed to get the days off that I needed... but it then turned out Michelle had no money, so no ride, and noone to go with.. then, my old manager showed up in town.. and said he could give me a lift to cow town.. so I picked up a ticket.. rode 8 hours (we went through edmonton 'coz he had to see his momma) arrived in calgary.. slept in a room with crickets.. woke up.. and had no clue how to get to the race track. But the Ben saved the day with directions and cash for the bus! found my way to the track.. walked an hour. and found Mike V! I was then found by some homies from cow town and after all was said and done ended up with a ride back to my bros'.. got to see some few hot people that ended up blessing/helping me out with a ride to the depot.. and riding nine hours with some man headed for p.a. and a carny running away from the carnival. It was fun. God is good.

there's a sequel to the things I've done

It's 4:10... am.. and I can't sleep.. the sun is just starting to rise.. and I find myself so restless that I can barely think.. I have started at least a million drawings.. but I end up erasing them all.. I've rendered countless pictures.. I've started about ten different blogs.. just trying to get a glimmer of this frustration out.. cutting has even crossed my mind.. but nothing seems to satisfy... nothing brings release... but I know somethings up.. God has something in store.. and I just can't seem to tap into it.. it's driving me insane. I can't sleep.. I can't eat.. all I can do is sit here and think and think and think and each and every thought is leading me nowhere, only adding to the frustration I'm feeling.. I just want to scream.. and just run.. and run and run and run until I can barely move.. until I can barely breathe.. barely talk... It almost feels like there is a fire inside and I'm slowly coming undone..

darn quirks.

So I am pretty stressed right now..
but since when was that new?

A big portion of it has to do with Daniel.. not because of him.. just people keep bugging me about him and asking if we're dating or if we are and not just telling anyone.. this one girl at works asks me every time I see her if we've kissed yet.. some of my friends refer to him as 'my lover' and another refers to us as her favorite hollywood couple..
It is so annoying
don't get me wrong.. I do like Daniel
but right now.. we're just best friends.. and it's exactly what God has for us right now and I am perfectly content with this.. I don't want to end up hurting him or ruining our friendship or end up getting hurt by him.. just because I chose to ignore Christ and chase after my flesh.. I've learned my lesson.. I don't need to go through that again and I don't want to drag Daniel through it either..neither of us are ready to date.. and with this friendship that we have now we just want to pursue Christ in it.. and it's hard with people making their little quirks...

Another thing is that I've been feeling so restless lately.. and I don't know why.. it's keeping me awake at night.. ugh there's so much.. but I don't know how to get it out into words..